Coping with the loss of a parent
As the years unravel, we experience and see several of families and friends suffering from the loss of a loved one. We grow and learn that life is as fragile and transient as a flower. It blossoms and brings forth beauty, joy and love. They remind us of how short our lives can be and to pay attention to the things we find most valuable in life: Family and Friends. Every waking day serves us as a reminder that our lives, too, are fleeting and we should attempt to make the most of every moment. While we know the concept that we are mortal and that we are on borrowed time, it‘s difficult to comprehend that you will never see that loved one again and it cuts deep into our soul. I write to you today, from one broken heart to the other, a few recommendations that have helped me with coping with the loss of my father so far.
Pick up new hobbies (Healthy ones)
During our time of grieving, the last thing we think about is picking up a new hobby or continuing to do what we did previously. There is something therapeutic about doing something you enjoy during the grieving process and I suggest doing at least one thing that is valuable or important to you. Here are some recommendations that I’ve seen family, friends or myself do that have helped during these times:
Reading - It could be individually or with friends. There are several of online groups that serve as virtual book clubs.
Art & Crafts - Whether its painting, drawing, DIYs. Learn to do something new for yourself or some have started to sell them for others to enjoy.
Create new traditions - This could be a game night with friends, cookouts, Family trips or something as simple as going once a month to get ice cream or frozen yogurt.
Outdoor fun - you’ll be surprised what fresh air does to you. Hiking, kayaking, sports, biking, fishing or trips to the lake.
Writing - Blogs, poetry, journal, or even video tutorials. These don’t have to be shared but something that can you looks back on over the years.
Gardening - There is something calming about it. Start with something small and a few plants to help you learn.
Date nights/outings - Whether you are single, in a relationship or married. A little escape and change to the routine will do the soul good.
Whatever it is and whenever you feel that the time is right, allow yourself to be in that moment and enjoy it.
Don’t be afraid to talk about it
This is easier said than done. It has been challenging for me to do this since it brings back several of memories and brings me to tears. However, the few times that I have talked about my loss was helpful. Having to talk about it with some of my close friends and family allows me to get perspectives that I had not considered had I just internaltized it.
Grab a cup of coffee, lunch or dinner and share how things are going. It’s important to be transparent and share the good and bad. Let it go and be vulnerable with those that you love and trust.
Reach out for help
This could mean different things to each one of us and can vary depending on where we are within the grieving stages. Talking it out with a friend could be the very first step to reaching out for help and sometimes we realize that we need some additional assistance in navigating the loss and death of a family member or parent. There are so many helpful resources and groups that are at your disposal. Some of these include therapy, counseling, online groups or in-person group circles.
Not sure where to start? Search groups on social media, the internet or local churches. The hospital where your family member was hospitalized also offers some benefits to the family members of the deceased. At times, your insurance or employeer may have wellness benefits where they have some free serves available to you as well. My father passed away of cancer and I was amazed to see how many organizations are out there to help families through the grieving process.
Grieve together
In my particular case, I am the oldest sibling of 3 (All girls) and it was very important for me to be supportive and strong for them in addition to being their for my mom. We prayed together, made decisions together and ensured that we remained close through out. Our small family has always been close and we wanted to make sure that didn’t change.
When we know a challenging day is coming ( i.e. holidays, birthdays, anniversaries) we make every effort to be with one another and ensure we visit our dad at the cemetery. We‘ll have breakfast or lunch with him there and share how things are going. We also make every effort to talk about how we are feeling and share stories to remember the beautiful moments we had with our father.
I know that not all families are the same or as close as mine. At times, families grow apart or this tragedy brings them closer. All it takes if for someone to put their differences aside and reach out to their family to see how things are going or have them be part of family events. Inclusion and feeling welcomed can help the family through their grieving and ensure that they understand that they are not alone.
It’s okay to cry
Why do we cry? A couple of different studies have shown that crying has a soothing effect on us. It allows us to regulate our emotions, calm ourselves and reduce distress. When we are at a loss for words, tears can help others understand that you may be in need of their support. Tears can ease both physical and emotional pain. The greatest therapy is to allow yourself to feel and let it run it’s course. It‘s okay to feel regret, sadness, anger or all emotions at once. We don‘t have to pretend like we have it all figured out or that with time we should be doing less of it. This is a significant change in your life and it will never be the same, so why not allow your emotions to be free? Our tears are a way of expressing ourselves and I encourage you to embrace it.
Found an article that shares a bit more benefits behind crying (very interesting facts):
These are a few helpful tips that have assisted me and hope that by sharing them give you an idea of things to consider during these difficult times. There isn‘t a specific order of doing things or the right timing, for all of us grieve differently. I’m still very early in the grieving process and know that there will be some challenging times ahead - so there is a high likelihood that I will be leveraging these tips throughout the different stages in my life.
In closing, our love for them will never die and while our lives move forward, they are never forgotten. I have to remind myself that while I can‘t see him, he is walking next to me every step of the way - cheering me on. For those that we love, walk by our sides everyday and will always have a special place in our hearts.
Thank you for reading and would love to hear your story! Feel free to drop a comment or send me an email. :)
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